


but it is my knife; and it is my heart too

by luvridden



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Ghosts, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Murder, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Post-Fall (Hannibal)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28778643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvridden/pseuds/luvridden
Summary: Someone else tries to swoop in, smacked away by Will. “Don't touch him! Don't fucking touch him!” he shouted, baring his teeth.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	but it is my knife; and it is my heart too

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from an except by richard jackson -- "It was a mistake to keep this single knife in my heart; but it is my knife, and it is my heart too.". would recommend listening to the ghost of you or helena by my chemical romance while you're reading/

The very first thing Will heard as he's being fished out of the ocean -- bits and pieces -- is that Hannibal wasn’t breathing. He can barely manage to turn his head, Hannibal's eyes boring into him. “Hannibal…” he croaked, reaching out. 

Hannibal's fingers entwine with his. “Will…” he replied, the very bare light in his eyes flickering and going out. 

Pause, and then the world speeds back up. “Hannibal?” he asked, forcing himself to sit up despite the injuries, “Hannibal?” 

“Mr. Graham, you need to lay down!” someone ordered him, pushing on his shoulders futilely. He shoves them away, clambering over Hannibal and placing his hands over his heart. 

Someone else tries to swoop in, smacked away by Will. “Don't touch him! Don't fucking touch him!” he shouted, baring his teeth. 

A sting in his neck, and the world goes black. 

~

He wakes in a hospital, attached to three different machines. Molly lays in a chair, starting when he raises his head. “Will! I'm so glad you're okay.” she said warmly, laying a hand over his. 

When they would hold hands, he always made an effort to feel warmer inside. Now it's a cold nothing. His person suit lays discarded with Hannibal. He snatches his hand away from her, barely feeling guilty when she flinched, shutters closing over her face. 

She sighs and scrubs a hand over her face, glancing at Wally. “You freaked the hell out when they fished you out of the ocean.” she remarked, her words tapering into a flat laugh. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”

_ I don't want to be at the land of the living.  _

“You've been out for a week and a half.” she continued, sighing. 

He gives no acknowledgement to her words, her pursing her lips at his stony silence. “Where is he?” he asked finally, clearing his throat a few times. 

Her face doesn't change. “He's in the morgue. They want you to identify the body.”

The words ‘the body’ make his heart sink. He can't stop the tears that roll down his face, the ugly sobs perched in his throat. She looks away and leaves to give him some semblance of privacy. His hands cover his face, clawing at his skin. “You son of a bitch.” he sobbed, nails digging crescents into the skin above his eyebrows, “you left me  _ alone _ .” 

“I didn't.” Hannibal's voice answers him. “I'm still _here_.” he says, sitting at Will's hip and tapping above his heart with a finger. 

He swats his hand away, hissing, “You're _dead_ , you bastard. I'm alone without you.” his anger breaks and the sobs return. “What do I do?” he whined, cheeks flushed pink. 

“You endure.” Hannibal said simply. 

Will snapped back, “I can't  _ endure _ without you. I--”

He's stopped from talking further by Hannibal putting his finger on his lips. “There is no without. I am with you always.”

"Don't you give me that shit." he sneered. Will said back, “You made sure of that, asshole.” watching Hannibal smile fondly. “Carved up a spot and burrowed in like an unruly cat.” Hannibal huffs a laugh. Molly comes back in, looking bewildered. 

“Who were you talking to?” she asked, looking cautiously around the room. 

Will looks back where Hannibal was sitting, finding nobody sitting there. The bed never dipped under his weight when he sat. He swallows down more tears and whispered, “The love of my life.”

She flinches again. “I was afraid you'd say that.” rifling through her bag, she deposits an orange envelope on his bedside table. 

He doesn't need to open it to know it's divorce papers. “‘M sorry.” he said, not meaning it.

“No, you're not,” she said. 

~

He spent the week talking to Hannibal on and off, crying and grieving when Hannibal wasn't there. Asshat was even there when he had to identify the body. It felt wrong to see Hannibal looking so lifeless. Even when in his person suit, he always had a small candle of life within him. Within the wrinkles of his eyes when he smiled, when he said disapprovingly: “You've been lying to me, Will,”, when he was proud and cautious, _curious_ when Will held the gun to him in the Hobbs’ kitchen. 

He choked back tears and said, “Yes… that's Hannibal Lecter.” Hannibal put his hand on his shoulder reassuringly, Will wanting to lean into his cold touch. 

Jack nodded soberly at Will, then at the orderlies who led Will back to his room. “I guess we didn't survive the separation.” Hannibal quipped.

“I'm glad this is all so  _ funny _ to you, jerkoff.” Will said, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

Hannibal took his wrists from his eyes in one hand, iron grip unrelenting against Will’s struggles that quelled once Hannibal ran a hand through his hair and down the side of his face. “It's not. If it were up to me, dearest, I'd be back with you in a heartbeat.” 

Will choked on a sob, leaning into the touch. “I miss you.” he whispered. “I’m so fucking mad at you for leaving me when it wasn't even your fucking fault.” 

Hannibal smiles sadly and kisses each of his fingertips. “You could've chosen not to throw us over the cliffs edge, my love.” 

“Can't live with you, can't live without you,” Will sighed, tears sliding down his cheeks again. Hannibal kissed those away too, dropping Will’s hands and cradling his head. “I'm still pissed at you. Motherfucker.” Hannibal rolls his eyes playfully, holding Will gently. 

And that's when a plan starts to hatch in his head.  _ Suicide is the enemy.  _ Hannibal had said in the house, hissing at the Dragon. 

~

There was that itch again, under his skin. Something red and crawling under the tissue, whispering words of harm. He conceals a sharp needle in his palm, stabbing a nurse in the neck quickly and rocketing out of bed, running out of the room and quickly up the steps of the staircase. He hides around a column of one of the stairs, security passing him by and footsteps trailing off. He gets to the roof without having to cause more harm, doors opening to the cool night air. “Whatever it is you're thinking of doing, love,” Hannibal warned him lowly, “I'd advise against it.” 

“Can't live with you, without you.” he retorted, taking a deep breath of the air. Hannibal takes his hand. “I gave the world a chance to get rid of us, our evil.”

“It succeeded only halfway.” Hannibal said, voice thick. 

“Most of the way.” Will corrected, tears rolling down his face. “You took a part of me with you, you fucking bastard.” he sighed, the tears drying with the winds against his face. 

“I love you, Will.” Hannibal swallows at the admission, chin dipping down. 

Floored, Will responds, “I love you too, Hannibal.” he lets go of Hannibal's hand, climbing over the railing and eyeing the people down below. “In some other world, we could have lived together.” 

Hannibal nods somberly from behind him. “In some other world.” 

Air rushes up from below him, whistling between his toes. 


End file.
